Excuse Me for My Absence.

Apologies for not writing for so long.
My last weekend in Ireland (in Dingle) proved to be absolutely amazing and made me realize that I was an idiot for freaking out about things being boring with Sean. He is a fantastic guy, and he made me happy. Things weren't boring, per se, I just hadn't really been in a relationship before and it caught me off guard.
One thing that made me realize that I did actually like Sean was Zach asking me to make out and me being so quick to say no. For my last weekend, the boys (Sean, Andrew and Danny) decided to take me along on a road trip to Dingle so I could see more of Ireland. Another thing that made me realize I liked Sean was the Thursday night (July 8th) before my weekend in Dingle. I decided to go out and get some shopping done after work in the city center, and after being out for an hour or so decided to get a drink at Farrington's, like the good old days, and say my goodbyes to Graham and Peter. Turns out Peter wasn't working that night, but I hung out at the bar until 12:30 (I had been there since dinner time) just chatting with Graham and other random people. I met this cool guy from France names Benoit who majored in something like Agricultural Studies and then realized in his 30s that his dream is actually to be a conductor. I never knew how complex conducting was until he told me that in order to conduct a choir of professional singers you have to be a conductor for a good 10 years. Benoit currently conducts a choir of old women, but is also being tutored by a more advanced conductor. Benoit was in Dublin to see some sort of spiritual leader speak because he was still looking for his religion/path. What I thought was curious was that because he was making nearly nil, his parents decided to totally support him! I think that's insane. He clearly seems like a well-to-do guy despite having a very modest income. His parents basically are paying for him to follow his dreams and search for religion...completely!
Anyway, the reason I realized I liked Sean that night was that after Farrington's closed, Graham took me to a nearby pub called the Czech Inn (clever, right?) and we drank a little and then he started to walk me home and we ended up making out. Oops. There was something unpleasant about it, though, and I couldn't quite put a finger on it. And it just made me miss Sean.
The weekend in Dingle was AMAZING. Sean and I and Danny and Andrew split up into two double rooms at a B&B. During the day we would drive about and see the surroundings and at night we would go pub-hopping at night. Oh and Sean and I had sex a good three times a day. And it was awesome. And not boring. It was the best sex I ever had. And his best sex too! Despite the fact that he's 7 years older than me!
Note to self: you go girl!
My flight home was on Tuesday (July 13th) so I took Monday to pack and Sean and I made plans to go to that French place I went to with Marie (La Maison.) We both got dressed up and had a really great night. And drank the greatest (and most expensive) white dessert wine ever (Chateau Guiraud). I had it for the first time on vacation in France near the Loire Valley and it was the most wonderful thing I had ever tasted.
Afterwards we went to a nearby pub called the Hairy Lemon. "With or Without You" came on (click here for my favorite version) and made everything seem ten times as romantic. We both took the Luas home but it wouldn't have felt right for me to hop off and leave it at that. It didn't take much convincing to make him get off on my stop. We went back to the B&B and ended up having mind-numbing sex. Details wouldn't do it justice, so I won't bother. But it was one of the strangest moments in my life in the sense that I was incredibly overwhelmed with a combination of happiness and sadness. I couldn't believe this would be the last time I saw him, and yet I was so thankful to be able to have spent any time with him at all.
Sean taught me so much about what things (like love, for example) should be like, even if we weren't exactly in love.
I can't help but wonder whether or not we may have a future together. We were a perfect fit in every way possible. Regardless, I think I may finally start falling for the right kind of guys, the ones who treat me well, who are genuine and kind, who are deserving of my trust. I think life will be much more beautiful now that I've figured out what love should be like, though perhaps not fully. At least I have a theory in place, and now I feel so incredibly foolish for loving all those commitment-fearing, game-playing boys.