Handholding and the Best Date Ever.

Last night it occurred to me that I had never really been on a real date. I've done the whole "dinner and a movie" thing, but I've never been truly and officially wined & dined. It's rare to go on a real date nowadays, it seems. Especially in college. Everyone is so close that it seems unnecessary to take that extra step and actually plan something, go somewhere nice, etc. Last night was fantastic.

Sean made reservations at a restaurant that is supposed to be one of the secret gems on the north side of the Liffey (which is generally said to be considerably sketchier than the south side.) One of my coworkers, Alan, told me that on the "north side women have fake jewelry and real orgasms, and on the south side they have real jewelry and fake orgasms." Alan is hilarious - one of my favorite people at work.

So Sean and I walked from St. Stephen's Green to the restaurant (101 Talbot, above) , holding hands like a real couple. I love holding hands. I know that everyone holds hands, but I feel like it is somehow still underrated. I find holding hands to be one of the most intimate things you can do. (Interesting article about hand holding can be found here.) The restaurant is absolutely wonderful. It is quiet with a tasteful interior and the food is incredibly delicious. It's pretty fancy, actually - I was very impressed. I'm not hard to please in terms of food, and I would've been happy with anything, but it was so nice of Sean to go out of the way to take me somewhere really great. It took us nearly 20 minutes to order because we kept getting distracted and talking. Sean and I have all these random little things in common that make it so easy to get along. We both like the same food (we both love olives), hate scary movies, have similar taste in music, etc. I never feel like I have to pretend to like or dislike anything around him, it's such a breath of fresh air! I know it's wrong to pretend to like things and not be yourself around a guy, but I've been doing it for so long and I am finally realizing how stupid it is.

It's scary to think that I have to leave here in 12 days. I'm not in love with Sean, but I suppose it could happen. When I'm with him I always want to be touching him somehow. Be it placing my hand on the back of his neck, kissing him, holding hands, etc., I just crave his touch, and I don't feel clingy or needy about it, either! It's hard to say what will happen when I leave. Things will probably just go on as usual. I'll go to Russia, maybe finally have a fling with one of the boys there who has been in love with me for ages. I'll go back to the US, be with my friends, go to parties. But I know I'll be different. Even if this thing (whatever it is) with Sean can't last, it has made me realize what relationships should be like. My standards are higher, my confidence is higher, I'm happy. I know I deserve to be treated well. I think I'll be attracted to the right kind of guy now, not the classic jerk that I usually go for. I am beyond thankful for this experience. It's weird, but I'm actually not really thinking about what will happen when it's over. I can talk about it, but I'm not really thinking about it; I'm leaving it on the surface. I suppose that's for the best, because I normally over-think my way into anxiety or heartbreak, but now I'm just letting things be. Sean says it's like we're on our honeymoon. I couldn't have put it more perfectly!