Excuse Me for My Absence.

Apologies for not writing for so long.
My last weekend in Ireland (in Dingle) proved to be absolutely amazing and made me realize that I was an idiot for freaking out about things being boring with Sean. He is a fantastic guy, and he made me happy. Things weren't boring, per se, I just hadn't really been in a relationship before and it caught me off guard.
One thing that made me realize that I did actually like Sean was Zach asking me to make out and me being so quick to say no. For my last weekend, the boys (Sean, Andrew and Danny) decided to take me along on a road trip to Dingle so I could see more of Ireland. Another thing that made me realize I liked Sean was the Thursday night (July 8th) before my weekend in Dingle. I decided to go out and get some shopping done after work in the city center, and after being out for an hour or so decided to get a drink at Farrington's, like the good old days, and say my goodbyes to Graham and Peter. Turns out Peter wasn't working that night, but I hung out at the bar until 12:30 (I had been there since dinner time) just chatting with Graham and other random people. I met this cool guy from France names Benoit who majored in something like Agricultural Studies and then realized in his 30s that his dream is actually to be a conductor. I never knew how complex conducting was until he told me that in order to conduct a choir of professional singers you have to be a conductor for a good 10 years. Benoit currently conducts a choir of old women, but is also being tutored by a more advanced conductor. Benoit was in Dublin to see some sort of spiritual leader speak because he was still looking for his religion/path. What I thought was curious was that because he was making nearly nil, his parents decided to totally support him! I think that's insane. He clearly seems like a well-to-do guy despite having a very modest income. His parents basically are paying for him to follow his dreams and search for religion...completely!
Anyway, the reason I realized I liked Sean that night was that after Farrington's closed, Graham took me to a nearby pub called the Czech Inn (clever, right?) and we drank a little and then he started to walk me home and we ended up making out. Oops. There was something unpleasant about it, though, and I couldn't quite put a finger on it. And it just made me miss Sean.
The weekend in Dingle was AMAZING. Sean and I and Danny and Andrew split up into two double rooms at a B&B. During the day we would drive about and see the surroundings and at night we would go pub-hopping at night. Oh and Sean and I had sex a good three times a day. And it was awesome. And not boring. It was the best sex I ever had. And his best sex too! Despite the fact that he's 7 years older than me!
Note to self: you go girl!
My flight home was on Tuesday (July 13th) so I took Monday to pack and Sean and I made plans to go to that French place I went to with Marie (La Maison.) We both got dressed up and had a really great night. And drank the greatest (and most expensive) white dessert wine ever (Chateau Guiraud). I had it for the first time on vacation in France near the Loire Valley and it was the most wonderful thing I had ever tasted.
Afterwards we went to a nearby pub called the Hairy Lemon. "With or Without You" came on (click here for my favorite version) and made everything seem ten times as romantic. We both took the Luas home but it wouldn't have felt right for me to hop off and leave it at that. It didn't take much convincing to make him get off on my stop. We went back to the B&B and ended up having mind-numbing sex. Details wouldn't do it justice, so I won't bother. But it was one of the strangest moments in my life in the sense that I was incredibly overwhelmed with a combination of happiness and sadness. I couldn't believe this would be the last time I saw him, and yet I was so thankful to be able to have spent any time with him at all.
Sean taught me so much about what things (like love, for example) should be like, even if we weren't exactly in love.
I can't help but wonder whether or not we may have a future together. We were a perfect fit in every way possible. Regardless, I think I may finally start falling for the right kind of guys, the ones who treat me well, who are genuine and kind, who are deserving of my trust. I think life will be much more beautiful now that I've figured out what love should be like, though perhaps not fully. At least I have a theory in place, and now I feel so incredibly foolish for loving all those commitment-fearing, game-playing boys.

Boredom.

My laptop has died again, so I can't post photos. I also don't have much time to write on my computer at work because now that it's my last week I've been overloaded with work.
I'm bored with Sean, sadly. I'm not sure what those feelings I had were, exactly. They weren't feelings of love. Maybe I was eager to try out a relationship-esque thing, since I hadn't really been in a real, mature relationship before. But things got boring very quickly for me. It just felt too much like we were married. We held hands while grocery shopping together. Friday night I made banana bread for Sean, his cousin, and his cousin's friend while they all watched the World Cup and drank beer. We watched a movie together. I slept over. He made me breakfast Saturday morning. Then we wet to Powerscourt together on Saturday.
It's all too much too fast. It's boring. I'm eighteen, I should be crazier. I thought it would be this crazy affair type of thing...but it really wasn't. I thought the sex was great the first time around but I suppose it could have been because I was drunk. Or maybe because we only did it once. I don't know. The second time we slept together it was fine, but boring. I hate boring. I would rather be heartbroken and depressed than bored.
I signed up for the Bake Sale so tonight I'll be at Sean's again to use his oven. Not in the mood for dull sex. He's too nice to me. I'm surprised I was attracted to him in the first place, since I never like the token nice guys.
On another note, Zach totally thought I was flirting with him and when we hung out yesterday he suggested that we make out. Just like that. I was blabbing about something and he just said, "Wanna make out?" I said no. Without hesitation. I would say no to anyone who asked me that. Who says that? So unromantic. Actually, I'm just not attracted to Zach in that way at all...He tried to redeem himself by saying that he just wanted to shut me up and that he was bored. Because that's what teenagers do when they're bored: make out. I didn't think I had ever done that, but upon giving it a little thought I realized I totally had. I've done those things out of lonliness, and lonliness and boredom kindof go hand in hand, don't they? Maybe not. I ahven't been quite sure about ltos of things lately.
I'm a bit of a rollercoaster and I suppose I'm hitting one of my lows at the moment. I miss home. I miss my family a ridiculous amount. I miss my friends, too, of course...but my paretns and my grandparetns the most.

Handholding and the Best Date Ever.

Last night it occurred to me that I had never really been on a real date. I've done the whole "dinner and a movie" thing, but I've never been truly and officially wined & dined. It's rare to go on a real date nowadays, it seems. Especially in college. Everyone is so close that it seems unnecessary to take that extra step and actually plan something, go somewhere nice, etc. Last night was fantastic.

Sean made reservations at a restaurant that is supposed to be one of the secret gems on the north side of the Liffey (which is generally said to be considerably sketchier than the south side.) One of my coworkers, Alan, told me that on the "north side women have fake jewelry and real orgasms, and on the south side they have real jewelry and fake orgasms." Alan is hilarious - one of my favorite people at work.

So Sean and I walked from St. Stephen's Green to the restaurant (101 Talbot, above) , holding hands like a real couple. I love holding hands. I know that everyone holds hands, but I feel like it is somehow still underrated. I find holding hands to be one of the most intimate things you can do. (Interesting article about hand holding can be found here.) The restaurant is absolutely wonderful. It is quiet with a tasteful interior and the food is incredibly delicious. It's pretty fancy, actually - I was very impressed. I'm not hard to please in terms of food, and I would've been happy with anything, but it was so nice of Sean to go out of the way to take me somewhere really great. It took us nearly 20 minutes to order because we kept getting distracted and talking. Sean and I have all these random little things in common that make it so easy to get along. We both like the same food (we both love olives), hate scary movies, have similar taste in music, etc. I never feel like I have to pretend to like or dislike anything around him, it's such a breath of fresh air! I know it's wrong to pretend to like things and not be yourself around a guy, but I've been doing it for so long and I am finally realizing how stupid it is.

It's scary to think that I have to leave here in 12 days. I'm not in love with Sean, but I suppose it could happen. When I'm with him I always want to be touching him somehow. Be it placing my hand on the back of his neck, kissing him, holding hands, etc., I just crave his touch, and I don't feel clingy or needy about it, either! It's hard to say what will happen when I leave. Things will probably just go on as usual. I'll go to Russia, maybe finally have a fling with one of the boys there who has been in love with me for ages. I'll go back to the US, be with my friends, go to parties. But I know I'll be different. Even if this thing (whatever it is) with Sean can't last, it has made me realize what relationships should be like. My standards are higher, my confidence is higher, I'm happy. I know I deserve to be treated well. I think I'll be attracted to the right kind of guy now, not the classic jerk that I usually go for. I am beyond thankful for this experience. It's weird, but I'm actually not really thinking about what will happen when it's over. I can talk about it, but I'm not really thinking about it; I'm leaving it on the surface. I suppose that's for the best, because I normally over-think my way into anxiety or heartbreak, but now I'm just letting things be. Sean says it's like we're on our honeymoon. I couldn't have put it more perfectly!

Work Flings.

Being involved in an office romance makes me feel very adult. It also leads to some funny exchanges in Office Communicator:

Sean: your bottom is lookin lovely today lol
Sophi: haha thank you very much.. i like your shirt but it might look better on me...haven't decided...

Sean: haha it smells of you a little bit

Sophi: hope that's a good thing hahah
Sean: well if i wore it with no pants on like you did i will most certainly look better...actually i probably wouldn't. and yes, it is.

Hehe he wore the shirt I wore the morning after we slept together :)
He's taking me to dinner on Wednesday at some restaurant that is supposed to be really good. Looking forward to it! Thursday night I'll be going out with my boss, Marie, again. I'm very excited for that as well, especially since I can update her on the whole Sean thing, since she told me to live to the fullest.
I wonder what it is about work flings that is so appealing. I suppose it's the fact that it takes a good amount of self-control not to straddle one another in the middle of the work place - which makes you want to all the more. And it's a game of sorts: pretending nothing is going on. It's a thrill. It's about footsie under the table at lunch and discreetly grazing one another's hands. It's really quite lovely.

A Weekend of Firsts.

Friday night a lot of interns went to the Lep (now that I've been here for a while that's what I call the Leopardstown Inn.) I drunkenly took the Luas home to change and ended up buying a really weird veggie sandwich at the local supermarket. Never go grocery shopping drunk - it is a really odd and mind-blowing experience, in a bad way. So Sean met me in town and we met up with the rest of the interns at the Porterhouse (photo of Andrew, Sean and me at the Porterhouse, left.) We ended up at Bruxelles, which is huge and kinda grungy - not exactly my type of place, but I was about four drinks deep, so it wasn't too relevant. I don't even remember how much I had to drink, but I was ridiculously exhausted and just wanted to go home, so Sean and I got a taxi and ended up at his place - shocker! He lives in a really nice apartment near work.

I can honestly say that this was my best sex ever. For the first time in my life I actually felt like I made love (in a non-cheesy way) as opposed to just straight f*cking. It was so great. And we woke up at seven in the morning and just stayed in bed and talked for over two hours. Then we had breakfast while watching Crocodile Hunter reruns and Saturday Kitchen (one of Sean's favorites, apparently) and after that realized how little sleep we had actually gotten so we took a nap. It was really great because it felt like we had been a couple for ages. Things seem so easy with him without being boring. We just have fun together.

Saturday night we went to the Wool Shed to watch the US/Ghana match (depressing) and I wasn't having too much to drink because I was trying to take a break from the night before. Sean was trashed, though. He's a really cute drunk - he gets very giddy and just says really silly things. He ended up giving away that we slept together to everyone (even though I'm 99% sure everyone already knew) because one of the interns, Danny, had undone my bra through my dress (one of his "skills" and definitely the first time anyone has done that to me) and he was telling the other interns about it, and Sean said "Oh yeah, thanks for that. I would've been too drunk to get it myself," and everyone just started cracking up. I was relieved because he didn't seem embarrassed about it at all, and he was actually worried that he had embarrassed me! I was proud if anything - he's a cutie! 

After the match was over we met Danny's gay brother Owen at PantiBar (a drag queen/gay bar) in honor of Gay Pride Weekend and it was so much fun. (photo of me, Sean and Danny at PantiBar to the right.) Sean and I were chatting with everyone and we met this really cool guy from Cork who seemed super-fascinated with us for some reason. He was SO good looking, it's ridiculous - I legitimately could not stop staring at him. So then this other absolutely humongous, muscular gay guy (TJ, I think, was his name) picked me up, wrapped my legs around him, and basically started dry-humping me in front of everyone while standing. And then he turned to Sean, while still doing that, and said "Bet you can't do this to her!" and Sean was like "I twisted my ankle!" and TJ responded, "Excuses, excuses!" It was hilarious. Also a first for me! Surprisingly enough I made the 12:30 Luas home, which was a near-miracle.Sunday I ended up sleeping until 5:00 pm. It was awesome. And that's pretty much it. Sean comes by my desk a lot at work just to talk and it's great. It's nice to click with someone like this.